When a person’s marriage is no longer healthy or stable, they may find themselves at a crossroads, pondering whether their marriages can be repaired or would be best ended.
The Lord permits divorce and remarriage, but the standard for divorce is high.
President Fraust provides a thee-part test for those seeking to determine if ending a marriage is justified.
The first part of the test is prolonged difficulties. President Fraust counsels that couples should not seek divorce unless they have spent a prolonged period of time trying to repair the problems that they have.
The decision of divorce requires a substantial period of problems, time for potential change to occur, and an un-rushed, careful decision.
We encourage people at the crossroads of divorce to do everything possible to correct the problem go to counseling, change their habits so at the end of this process they can look at their children and God and say “I tried everything possible.”
The second part of the test is a apparently irredeemable relationship. The marital relationship must reach a point where it is unable to fix even after sincere and sustained efforts have been made to understand and fix the problems.
If one spouse is unwilling or unable to make an effort, that does not excuse the other spouse from determining his or her part in any problems and making changes.
The third part of the test is destruction of human dignity. This happens when the marital problems have become serious enough over a period of time that an individual begins to lose his or her sense of worth.
Feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the marriage does not meet this standard nor does emotional distance or growing apart.
The three part test that President Fraust offers to help determine a reason for ending marital covenants.
“Now I speak to married member, especially to any who may be considering divorce. I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation..Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us. Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages.” -Dallin H. Oaks
