To father a child is to accept a divine calling, a moral stewardship, and a lasting commitment across generations.
The decisions and behaviors of fathers in their family relationships have long-lasting and fundamental consequences.
The 5 Fundamental Principles of Fathering
Preside
Partner
Be Present
Provide
Protect
Preside
Fathers have the responsibility of spiritual leadership in family life. Presiding over the family is the most important responsibility father’s have in family life. Fathers are supposed to guide their family in love and righteousness.
President Ezra Taft Benson said, “God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide love, teach, and direct.”
Involved fathers bless children from the time of birth onward.
Partner
To partner in fathering is to accept the responsibility of rearing a child in cooperation with others, particularly the child’s mother, and to assist and give support in doing the work, love, and guidance in a child’s upbringing.
Relationship work is an important part of father-child relationships. Relationship work involves feeling emotionally and psychically connected with a child. The father has to make an effort to create and maintain healthy bonds between the child, himself, and others in the child’s environment.
A key element of parenting involves maintaining a positive working relationship with a child’ mother, whether married to each other or not.
Strategies for father and mothers in working together to raise children include maintaining a positive emotional relationship, appreciating each other, offering instruction and accepting help, and making parenting decisions together.
Becoming a father means entering into a continuing relationship of care and involvement with a child. Children come into life with their own personalities and preferences, so it is important to remember that this is a two way relationship in which children and fathers mutually influence each other in their development, not simply a relationship where all influence flows from the father to the child.
President Howard W Hunter advised that fathers should, “Earn the respect and confidence of their children through their loving relationship with them.” and that they should give “time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities” to provide “Tender expressions of love and affection toward children”.
Fathers who involve themselves and connect with young children facilitate a greater cognitive development, increased social confidence, and empathy toward others. Research shows that strong father-child connections have beneficial effects and poor father-child connections have adverse effects.
Present
Parenting is a fundamental requirement if fathers want to meet children’s needs and build lasting parent-child bond.
Howard W. Hunter "A father’s leadership in family life requires both quantity and quality time and that fathers give their time and presence in their social education and spiritual actives and responsibilities."
A child's greatest need is security. A sense of security is the most fundamental of all human needs but it is primary and for children.
Being present in the lives of their children and families means to be there (physical), to be aware (psychological) and to give care (practical.)
Physical - being responsible to needs or concerns.
Psychological - cognitive or emotional availability
Practical - giving direct care, teaching, and guiding a child
Provide
D&C 78:28
Providing in family life is stewardship work. Stewardship work acknowledges the task of providing in family life for men and also that children’s needs must be met through producing resources and managing them with wisdom. Stewardship work involves creative, dedicated effort to provide resources for children and family and provide opportunities for children to develop and learn to care for their own and other’s physical and psychological needs.
The principle of providing for one’s family as a father recognizes that each man is “a steward over his own property,” is “accountable unto Gods” for that stewardship" and should administer those resources in a manner that is “sufficient for himself and his family.”
Protect
A primary task for fathers involves welcoming children to the realm of family life and preparing them over time for the world that they will have to navigate as they grow.
The mentoring work and spiritual works of fathering align well with the principle of protecting in family life. The most important aspect of protecting children occurs as fathers model appropriate and righteous behavior in their own actions and choices. Another important aspect of protecting children is mentoring which helps them develop skills and knowledge needed to help them make their own wise choices. Children need to learn to grow and be independent.
Fathers are responsible for protecting children from harmful outcomes and equipping them with skills and knowledge to held diverse challenges and consequences. They are also responsible for monitoring the environments and behaviors of their children.
Fathers have the ability for good or ill, to exercise great power and influence in the lives of their children and families.
Men do not bless by the mere exercise of power. They bless only by the exercise of power in righteousness.
As fathers practice these essential principles in their lives and relationships, they fulfill their own potential and guide the rising generation toward achieving the divine potential that resides in each of us as beloved spirit children of heavenly parents.
“A father’s calling is an eternal calling from which he is never released.”
-Ezra Taft Benson
